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Blonda Way or Another/Quotes
:(Jorgen appears in Timmy's room) :Ivan: Hey, Jorgen, what's eating you? :Jorgen: I'm here with some terrible news! :Neptunia: What is it? Another fairy shortage? :Jorgen: No, worse! Dr. Poof Everwish passed away before the taping of the upcoming season of All My Biceps begun! :Timmy: How did he die? :Jorgen: A news report tells me that Dr. Poof Everwish died from a poisoned chocolate cake. :Ivan: Does Crocker have anything to do with it? :Jorgen: No, he doesn't. :Astronov: I can understand how that would be bad news, but to tell you the truth, I kind of hated Dr. Poof Everwish. :Wanda: You tell me. :Timmy: Have you got any good news? :Jorgen: Well, let me check the TV. :(Jorgen pulls out a TV, and plugs it into the socket. The TV flickers on just in time for Fairytainment Tonite.) :Fairy Hart: Welcome to Fairytainment Tonite. I'm your hostess, Fairy Hart. Today we're going to talk about our top 5 most unintentionally hilarious moments in Fairywood, but first, we have some news from Bob Glimmer. :Bob Glimmer: Following Dr. Poof Everwish's poisonous chocolate cake incident that led to his death, the popular TV show All My Biceps will hold an open casting call for fairy actors to replace him. :Ivan: An open casting call for fairy actors? I don't see what's so special about that. :Jorgen: (pulls out a magazine cover) Ever heard of Blonda, Wanda's identical, but somewhat hotter sister? :Ivan: (amazed) No, but she looks pretty! Is she a star of All My Biceps? :Jorgen: Yes, she's the main star. She's holding the audition right now! :Ivan: Timmy, are you thinking what I'm thinking? :Wanda: Oh, Lord... :Timmy: You're going to Fairywood to star in All My Biceps? :Ivan: Yeah. I seem to be perfect for the role! :Cosmo: But you're a human, you can't go there! :Ivan: That's right. And this is why I wish to be a fairy, so that I could become one of the greatest fairy soap opera actors. ---- :Astronov: Ivan, your Russian charm will only get you so far. There's a lot of famous fairy actors here. :Ivan: So what? I can easily out-ham them! I've seen plenty of shows on TV back in Russia, and I think I know how to get the attention of Blonda and the rest. ---- :Hispanic fairy actor: (bad Spanish accent) ...tonight, we eat ... gee-wack-a-mole by the El Rio! :Blonda: That Spanish accent was so terrible, I think you gave me gland cancer! :Ivan: (off-screen, shouting) Boo! This guy stinks! :Blonda: I agree with the audience, you stink! I don't care how popular you are. You will never work on my show! :(The fairy actor grumbles angrily and flies off) :Blonda: He looked good, but his accent was far from flawless. Next! ---- :(After everyone's audition going terribly) :Blonda: I don't get it. Everyone we tried had either terrible accents, got boo-ed or just break apart at the sight of the script! :Casting director: Well, not every fairy actor can handle this show. Perhaps soap operas aren't their thing for most of them. Speaking of which, we have one more fairy left, his name is Ivan Prestonovich, although he seems kind of young for this... :Blonda: Send him in! :Ivan: (goes inside the casting office) Здравствуйте. (Hello.) My name's Ivan. :Casting director: Yes, we know. :Ivan: I come from the Russian side of the Fairy World, and I want to audition for All My Biceps. I loved the show when I watched it with Jorgen, and I thought Blonda was great. She kinda reminds me of a girl back on Earth known as Veronica. :Blonda: Oh, thanks! You look cute, Ivan. :Ivan: Thank you. :Casting director: Have you ever been on TV before? :Ivan: No, but I've seen plenty of shows on TV, like soap operas, cartoons and so on. :Blonda: Good enough for me. Let's hear you audition. :(The casting director hands Ivan the script) ---- :Blonda: Out of all the actors, you seem to be the best! :Ivan: Really? :Casting director: Well, you didn't trash the office, and you didn't ham as much as the other actors. I mean, you're still a ham, but you didn't chew the scenery! :Ivan: Okay. Did I get the job? :Blonda: Yes, you did! Welcome aboard, doctor! :Ivan: Hello, nurse! (hugs Blonda) ---- :Astronov: How many times do I have to tell you, Cosmo & Wanda: NO DUCKLIPS! I don't mind selfies, but when you throw ducklips into the mix, you've done goofed this time! :Cosmo: Relax, I'll just delete them. (does so) There. All gone. (his phone rings, Cosmo's ringtone is "Electric Zoo") Oh, hold on, it's Ivan. (answers the call) Hello? (cue split-screen between Cosmo in Timmy's house and Ivan in the soundstage for ''All My Biceps, dressed like a doctor)'' :Ivan: Hi, Cosmo! I finally got a job as an actor in All My Biceps! :Cosmo: Hey, that's great! :Wanda: (gasp) Gimme your phone, Cosmo! (to Ivan) You're acting in a fairy soap opera with Blonda?! :Ivan: Oh, calm down, Wanda! It's not so bad! What, are you jealous of Blonda? :Wanda: Of course I am jealous! My sister's leading a much more sophisticated life style than I do! :Neptunia: (gets the phone from Wanda) Look, whatever you do, just try your best, Ivan. I'm hope your act in that soap opera will be good, especially since I'm a huge fan of All My Biceps. :Ivan: Thanks, Neptunia. Wait, you never told me you're a fan of this show! :Neptunia: Sorry. Good luck, okay? :Ivan: Again, thanks. ---- :(when Ivan ad libs and kisses Blonda while shooting a scene, causing her to go wide-eyed) :Director: CUT! (looks at script) That kiss was not in the script! :(Blonda flies off, disgusted) :Ivan: Sorry, I just kind of wanted to improvise, and lost myself in the moment. :Director: You only introduced yourself in the hospital, and then you decide to kiss the nurse?! :Ivan: Hey, don't blame me! She looked pretty! :Director: That's no excuse! We'll have to shoot it again. :Blonda: No, no, it's okay. From his breath, he seems to have used mouthwash, and it had a nice smell. I think that kiss was quite pleasant. :Ivan: I'm glad you liked it, Blonda. Can we keep that kiss in, please? :Director: Well... okay. ---- :(the president of the network arrives) :Network President: Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. :Blonda: Hello. :Network President: Now, who put this obnoxious, improvising fairy on my network? :Director: Well, I've been thinking about firing him, sir. :Network President: Silence! We've been monitoring our Fairy Nielsen families carefully. And during the 12 seconds Ivan was on screen, viewer eyeball focus was up 90%. :Blonda: Sir, I don't think he's a very good model for Fairywood, he improvised on set! :Network President: At our network, we love improvisations, ad libs and other sorts of stuff! (laughs) We need this improvising, comic relief fairy on our network. Ivan, can you continue to improvise and do all sorts of wacky stuff on TV? :Ivan: Yes, I can. ---- :Jorgen: Looks like All My Biceps is about to start! (goes to his house, turns on the TV) :Announcer: All My Biceps is brought to you by Cactus Juice: it's the quenchiest! ---- :(Astronov, Neptunia, Cosmo and Wanda are watching the episode) :Jorgen: How can you stand watching this trash? All My Biceps has been terrible since Dr. Poof Everwish passed away! It's not even worth watching anymore! Ivan is too hammy and improvised! :Wanda: The fact that he works with my identical, but somewhat hotter sister, Blonda, doesn't help much. :Neptunia: I actually like him, and not because it's his first try. Ivan's acting is much more lively than Dr. Poof Everwish. :Cosmo: Can't go wrong there! :Jorgen: And look at THIS! (pulls out Fairy Soap Opera Digest, with Ivan winking in the magazine cover, titled "#1 Fairy Soap Opera Improvisor on ''All My Biceps!")'' Ivan's hogging up all the spotlight! Blonda's only mentioned in one sentence of the main article! This is an outrage, I tell you! :Wanda: So, are you gonna try to get All My Biceps canned? :Jorgen: NO!!! Not ever! I'll try to get Ivan off the show! ---- :Ivan: (sips a bit of soda, sitting in his massage chair) Ahh, so this is what it's like to be a Fairywood star! :Blonda: (shoves Ivan off the massage chair) You can't keep doing this to me, Ivan! How am I going to get a Zappy award if I'm dealing with an improvising, ego-filled, spotlight stealing actor in this soap opera? :Ivan: Relax, at least I'm not a freak! :Blonda: I see your point. :(the phone rings) :Ivan: I'll go get it. (picks up the phone) Yes, you've reached Ivan in Fairywood. If you're another paparazzi, I suggest for you to leave me alone! :Jorgen: (on the phone) Actually, I'm not a paparazzi. :Ivan: Thank God! :Jorgen: (on the phone, yelling) IT'S JORGEN! QUIT ALL MY BICEPS RIGHT NOW! :Ivan: Sheesh, Jorgen, calm down! I'm trying to quit the show, but because of the paparazzis and the attention I'm constantly recieving, I keep getting pulled back in! The Zappy Awards ceremony is in 3 days! :Jorgen: (on the phone) Don't worry, I have a plan. (whispers to Ivan) :Ivan: Uh huh, yes, understand. Okay, Jorgen, bye. (hangs up) ---- :(at the Zappy Awards ceremony) :Fairy Hart: And so, this Zappy award goes to...Ivan Prestonovich, for his work in the newest season of All My Biceps! :Ivan: Thank you, thank you! :Bob Glimmer: And so, that concludes our... :Ivan: WAIT! :Fairy Hart: Now what? :Ivan: Listen up, Fairywood, 'cause I've got a climactic speech! And you better keep the camera rolling! :Blonda: (sigh) I'm never gonna get a Zappy... :Ivan: Viewers of All My Biceps, do my improvised antics make me popular? Of course they do! But is everyone gonna be happy that I replaced the late Dr. Poof Everwish? I say absolutely not! Sure, he was a freak, but some people found him appealing! And this is why I decide to quit the show, and no network's gonna stop me! :(everyone at the ceremony gasps) :Ivan: It may be for the better, or for the worse, you're the judge here. But, the truth is, I starred in this show not only because of the audition, but also because I loved Blonda. I mean, think about it, if it wasn't for her, All My Biceps wouldn't have been a thing! As popular as I was, I still think that Blonda deserves way more credit than I do. I wish the writers of the show didn't include me in the upcoming season, whenever that's gonna happen. And this is why I decided to give this Zappy award to Blonda. In my opinion, she honestly deserves at least one Zappy award. :(Blonda flies up on stage, in happy tears) :Ivan: I'm really sorry this has come between us, Blonda. I behaved like a fool, and I apologize. I just want you to be happy no matter what. :Blonda: (wipes her tears) Apology accepted. :Ivan: Here, I'm sure you've always wanted one of these. (hands Blonda his Zappy, she takes it) :Blonda: Oh, thank you, Ivan! (kisses Ivan on the cheek, who blushes) This is the happiest moment of my life! I got my first Zappy! :(the audience applauds) :Bob Glimmer: I don't believe it! A fairy actor gave his award away to Blonda, who had never won a Zappy award until now! :Fairy Hart: This is by far the most unexpectedly hearttouching Zappy Awards ceremony we've ever hosted! :Bob Glimmer: Should we start a Zappy fight? :Fairy Hart: No, I don't think we should, especially after this ceremony. ---- :(Ivan and the gang come back home) :Ivan: That ceremony was wonderful, and it's all thanks to Jorgen! (to Jorgen) I really appreciate your help, big guy! :Jorgen: I'm always glad to help. :Ivan: Also, Blonda kissed me when I confessed and gave my Zappy award to her! (shows Blonda's kissmark on his cheek by pointing at it) See? :Cosmo: Yeah, and I took a picture of it on my phone! :Astronov: I'm very proud of what you did, champ. :Wanda: I must say, Ivan, that's very noble of you, even if you worked with my sister, which I'm jealous of. :Ivan: Well, at least I don't work on All My Biceps anymore. It could've been a lot worse. :Neptunia: Yeah. Category:Quote pages Category:Quotes Category:Episode quote pages Category:The All New Fairly OddParents!